Screw myself

It's been quite a while since i last updated my blog..
i realize that all the blogs that i've been posted up
is basically all about depression and shit stories...
nothing really happy, nothing really cheers my life up..
what is wrong v me to be honest?
where could i find the answer for that..
will i ever find the way out?

I've been sick for more than 2 weeks dy,
still yet continue being sick and it's driving me insane day after day..
seriously, i've never been so sick in my entire life..
am really tired of it, should i see another doctor?
it's the 3rd time if I visit another doctor..
do i really need that? i know im being very stupid n emotional now...
can't really help it, no other better way for me to express it..
just wanna find a way to let everything out..
cause there's no sea or a wide empty space for me to scream..
can't do at my own home rite?
people will think that I've gone mad, lock me up in the mental hospital..

It's been so long that I never had such dreadful nightmares..
really awful unforgettable nightmares...
the nightmares i had brings me back to the old memories again..
a memories that I din want to reveal...
is been following me for so long...
and it will never get washed away...not even photoshop can help..
i cough at night so badly that the only way to make me sleep better...
is to take medication...which i didn't like it...
sooner or later, will i end up being a traumatic?

Yet now there's too much work to be done...
can't stop now, not this moment,
guess there won't be any really "resting" for me..
how can i possibly really rest with all the work around my head..
extension ?? yes i would love to BUT i hate the procedures of it..
it is just complicated and i don't like the attitude of those people in the office...
yes i've try to be nice and patient, but there will always be a limitations...
do not cross that line..i mean it..

so u see what i've becoming now?
a girl who used to be called "happy gold lucky" means = happy girl now has,
turn into a mad, emotional, well u get the rest...
i dun really have to say more...
cause people already know i've complain a lot,
nonsense shit n craps, sorry guys, i apologize for that!
Jesus, somehow need a drink..
to get my mind off the sets...
but it wouldn't do any good to myself rite?
oh crap, im talking to myself now..
so i guess thats y people think i should go see a psychologist..
cause i've never came across to this stage...

i feel the world is falling apart,
that i've falling apart too,
feels like im broken into pieces,
perhaps like a piece of puzzle is missing,
never been found and never will be..

Blind dating..2007

The movie - Blind dating 2007 =))




Chris Pine - So hot...Love him so much!

"Blind dating" was such a good movie...
though i never get to watch the whole front part
I just know that i love the male character
the way he talks to the female character
sorry couldn't remember their name (doesn't really matter)
but i just know that i love the way they emerged...

Basically the male character is blind
and he falls in love with the female character...
he can tell the looks of her without looking at her...
it was really romantic n fascinating..
though it was just a movie..
it was simply the best...

Just wish once...
There's a guy could understand a girl well..
well enough that she doesn't really have to tell anything...
i know is hard and im young n dreaming...
but wish that there's a guy outside there
who could really understand n speaks to me like that..
not because of romantic n stuff..
just want to know a guy that can truly understands me
give me advise, share his life, experience n other interesting stuff..
a guy that can impress me in his own way...
But sadly, whatever i've just say is impossible to happen ==
so Chris, just keep on dreaming about that day would come...
Sigh~~

I will always miss u Abu~ R.I.P

Forever My Big Boy

Always in my memories...
u & me...

Abu is gone to "Heaven"
Just saw the message on my cousin sister's facebook...
and I just realize that our beloved dog Abu..
has pass away...
Am crying when typing this blog up...
Cause maybe I only can express here...
Can't cry out loud in my own room in the place where I'm stuck now...
Another way is that just wanna say goodbye to "him"...
Am really hurt...
suddenly something shocking come towards me...
without any preparation...
maybe that's why they call it "death"...
Still..Am really heartbreak...
Cause I'm in Melbourne here & he's in KL...
Am upset that can't get to see him last time before he "leaves"...
I look back at the pictures I took of him...
recalling the time and moments when I used to play with him all the time...
and now he's gone...
Gone to a place really far away from me...
I never get to play nor see visit him again....
Now when i go back to my grandma's house...he won't be there...
just leaves an empty space there...
An empty space which he always sleeps and look at me...
It was too painful for me to continue so i decided to stop here instead...

ABU..
Wherever you are or going...
I hope you can end up in heaven...
or if you get to reborn again...
may the God let u be reborn as a human...
whichever that makes u happy...
I will miss u for now and always...
forever ure in my heart...
Will always remember ur chubby face n body...
the cute sympathy eyes that u always look at me...
love when u always follow me and plays with u...
always remember ur lazy movements...
Definitely all the memories when u were young and
slowly became a big boy...
I thx the days that u always make me happy...
I will cherish it very well in my heart...
I hope you can meet and stays with gong gong in heaven..
i know it sounds silly...but if you do meet him
i hope both of you can stays in heaven n
look after popo them n of coz the whole family...
N i hope when i go back m'sia..
i get to visit u in ur funeral once...
maybe perhaps put some tricks that u love to eat...
i think that's about it...

Abu..I love u~~
PLS take good k of urself wherever u are...
u will always be that fatty cute big labor dog i ever in my heart...

May God Bless U All The Way~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goodbye my favorite Abu

new hair cut + karaoke night~

*Another New Haircut*

*Look from the Top* =)

Another new hair cut...Well..
it may seems pretty much the same to some of u...
BUT finally something i like better...
At least now i get d a little "feminine" look ==
next time I'll speak more "SPECIFIC" to my hair stylist...
not that they are deaf...just to make sure I don't get the boy-ish look again..

~KaRaOkE nIgHt~

Where to start...hmm...
Well basically the karaoke starts from 7:30 till late midnite...
Yes...my friends and i spent almost 7 hours sitting there...
singing till our lungs out lolx...
Truly...this is my 1st time doing such crazy things...
i now realize sitting there singing whole night...
is so EXHAUSTED ==
but it was a great night indeed =) i njoy a lot~~


She hates taking pictures =(

Kevin..Esther..Erni & Mua(me)

Paul on the right hand side =)..

He look sort of painful somehow??..

Wannabe Singer & Guitarist??...

Looking good...=)

Crazy people over here...

Alcohol...?? Guess

Love is in the house lolx...

Looks nice?? Smells good??
..Sadly doesn't taste like one..

Last but no least..CHEERS to our NIGHT!!

Seriously..singing the whole night was crazy...
but at the same time it was FaNtAsTiC~~
Wouldn't njoy without u guys =D...

At the end..leaving the karaoke at 2am++
walking our way back home on the streets...
fill v strong cold winds...
accompanied by the quiet space around...
oh yeah...random drunken people as well lolx...
is good to have this feeling again...
is been a long time..
since "u've" left..

Satisfaction vs. Dissatisfaction

Breaking into 2 parts
Satisfaction
vs.
Dissatisfaction

Let's start with satisfaction...
Well i was really satisfied & sort of proud of myself...
why u may ask??...
Ans: I clean up my frds place today...
I know is kinda stupid and random in a way...
but who gives a damn...
I've done a pretty good job I can say...
The place was much better & no longer that messy ==
thank god...

Here's come the dissatisfaction part...
Again...
I hear the song of yours...
on the street...
where the busker plays the guitar...
singing along with the lyrics...
it seems like this song has became a popular song for the buskers
i can hear it everywhere on the streets...

Someone ask me something today...
"Do u still miss him..why?"...
"Yes..I do but why u ask??"...that is a good question...
which I do not noe how to answer back...

I guess the answer at the moment to cover things up...
would be as long as I found another guy...
A guy...a man who truly loves me &
never disappear in a sudden...
& leaves me behind with no clue...
that force to seeks everything from his/her friends...
as long as my "Mr.Right & It is truly the ONE & ONLY"...
comes into my life...
I guess I can't put myself into any serious relationship...

You're really a womanizer...

*151 shot*

The deadly 151 shot...
a shot that contains 74% of alcohol...
just a single small shot...
can get you so drunk so fuck up...

Last night was one of a hell night...
A few rounds of spirits,beers and 2 shots..
totally knock out...not even knock down..

A glass of malibu + coke..
A glass of beer ++..
A glass of vodka raspberry...
then here's the "demon"...
2 shots of "151*...


1st round...

2nd round and continue goes on...

some silly pictures...


1st round...

random pic #1

random pic #2

And there she goes...

Yes i was literally drunk..
and not to mention...
was kinda "out of control" in a way...
so.........



Well technically...
I have no idea what have i done...
but it has something to do with..
punching something *really* hard...
when I woke up the next morning..lolx...
the 1st thing that came in to my mind and a feeling...
was "god damn it...wat the hell happen to my hand??"...
I try to recall back what happen last night..
Nope...can't really recall it...
but 1 thing for sure is..
I never punch anyone....ok i mean it...

But i do deserve for what I've done...
Yes you bitch...you done it again..
you hurt someone that loves you....so "nice"...
I was really surprise when you did not get angry or want to hit me...
you're too nice...too gentle...
so I couldn't be the one for you...
apparently...someone someday will take over my place...

and whoever that may be...
You will have the rest of your life...
living happily ever after...
like a fairy tale story..

I'm now once again..
being a super bitch and back to single status...
is a good thing...is good...
for now at least...

I'm sorry again and again...
there's nothing left to say but sorry...
Yes and i do deserve for the punishment...
whatever will makes you feel better...

Though i know is hard for you to accept now...
but hoping sooner or later you will...
let it go and find someone else...

I'll always love you as a friend...a brother
from now and then...

*Saranghei U-pahh*

"Wonderwall"

The repetition of this song keeps remind me of you...
keeping me recalling back about the past...
the moments where we always hang out...
the moment when we always listen this song in your car...
at late night outside on the quiet streets...
with cold wind outside your car window...
but the laughs to keep us warm inside...
i miss those times when we're always outside...
hanging around doing nothing until the dawn...
i really really miss it...

I have to admit that I still miss you...
I still loves you...
Still wanna see you...
though i know is not gonna happen...

I thought you'll be my "wonderwall"...
but i guess not...

I keep having dreams about you
this lately...
why is that...
i was suppose to forget you...

I truly hate myself now...
for being like this...
and can't do anything about it...

Where ever you are...
I hope we still can meet up and talk...
I know im really stupid and silly...
but it does not really matter anymore...

The song of urs will be with me
for now and then...